Appointment

Forgiving or punishing the terrorists is left to God.
But fixing their appointment with God is our responsibility

- Indian Army



Forgiving or punishing the Developer is left to Manager.
But,fixing their appointment with Manager is our responsibility

- Tester

That is me before Surgery

After a long night of making love, boyfriend notices a photo of another man in the photo-stand besides the bed.
He begins to worry. Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then!!! ???" he demands........
"That's me before the surgery."

The Mechanic and the Doctor

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ....."Try to do it when the engine is running".

That’s a marvelous answer. But more marvelous than that is our God, who made this engine run.

Foot Prints - Irony God and Project Manager

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head!!!"

Resignation letter

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucritive and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon,have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".

I am ofcourse retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Ofcourse, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the compnay (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City. Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me.

Last but not the least. I also have the 7000 Rs entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command. I thank you for that in advance, and assure you that I will surely invest them wisely (but not in your company's stocks of course). Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company.

Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,

S. W. Engineer

"PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read: PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this. My respect and Best Regards to you!

Sardarji Jokes

Sardar was not able to stop laughing when he saw a truck being pulled by another truck… Asked why?

Sardar said à Foolish drivers using two trucks to carry a rope

Do sardar bank lootne gaye per Gun bhool gaye, fir bhi Bank loot liya.. Kaise?

After all Manager bhi Sardar tha .. bola

koi baat nahi, I trust u, u can show me the Gun tomorrow

Interviewer : what is your qualification?

Sardar: Sir iam Phd.

Interviewer: What do you mean by Phd!!

Sardar Passed High School with Difficulty.

Sardarji and chemistry.

Prof: What is the chemical symbol of Barium?

Sardar: Ba.

Prof: What is the chemical symbol of Sodium?

Sardar: Na.

Prof: What happens when 1 atom of barium and 2 atoms of Sodium combine?
Sardarji thinks for a moment and here comes the reply "BANANA !!!!!!!"

Sardarji The detective
DETECTIVE SARDAR

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first Singh answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."