Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0..............

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected
child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs
and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies
7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever
selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the
'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to
run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not
to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under
Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you
use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING :DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife
1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

Please do not print this email unless it is absolutely necessary.

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

www.wipro.com

Modern Panchtantra Story

 

 

IT HUMOR

Once upon a time

, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Please do not print this email unless it is absolutely necessary.

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

www.wipro.com

FW: Take a chill pill......

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

 13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

 

Please do not print this email unless it is absolutely necessary.

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

www.wipro.com

98%...

 

At  the end of this message, you are asked a question.

Answer it  immediately.  Don't stop and think about it.

Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time!  Give it a try, then e-mail it around  (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you.  Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%.  You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the test'.

Now. just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.

You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.   And go on to the next one.

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is:

15 + 6

3 + 56

89 + 2

12 + 53

75 + 26

25 + 52

63 + 32

I k now! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..

Come on, one more!

123 + 5

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!

Scroll further ! to the bottom....

A bit more...

You just thought about a red hammer ! , didn't you?

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind.

98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.

 

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

www.wipro.com

tHE bug

Back in the 1940's Harvard's Mark II (a very early ancestor of our modern computers) failed causing Grace Hopper to coin what common computer phrase for the first time?

Answer:
The bug. A moth had actually gotten logged in the circuits which caused the failure. Therefore the first computer "bug" was really a Bug! The actual moth is still on display at the Naval Museum in Dahlgren.

laloo parsaad yadav

 

 

Laloo Prasad Yadav's car is driving along a back country road on the

way back to Patna , when all of a sudden a piglet(Baby of pig, for ppl who dont

knw) jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the

chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages.

The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a Bag

full of money, and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know

what happened.

 

now read in hindi

 

The driver tells him " Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log

ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare

log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum

dekha ki Sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara paisa

wo janvar ke Malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de

diya."

Laloo says "Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola tha?"

The driver replies " Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon

...

aur hum sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon."

 

 

 

 

The information contained in this electronic message and any attachments to this message are intended for the exclusive use of the addressee(s) and may contain proprietary, confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately and destroy all copies of this message and any attachments.

WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

www.wipro.com