Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Einstein Quotes.........

Quotes by Albert Einstein:

1 "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius ― and a lot of courage ― to move in the opposite direction."
2 "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
3 "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
4 "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
5 "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
6 "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
7 "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
8 "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
9 "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
10 "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
11 "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
12 "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
13 "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
14 "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
15 "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
16 "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
17 "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
18 "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
19 "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
20 "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
21 "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
22 "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
23 "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
24 "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
25 "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
26 "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
27 "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
28 "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
29 "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
30 "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
31 "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
32 "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
33 "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
34 "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
35 "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
36 "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
37 "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
38 "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
39 "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
40 "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
41 "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism ― how passionately I hate them!"
42 "No, this trick won't work…How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
43 "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
44 "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
45 "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking…the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
46 "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
47 "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
48 "A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would in deeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
49 "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
50 "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
51 "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
52 "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
53 "…one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
54 "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
55 "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
56 "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sardar jokes

Boss: Where were you born?

Sardar : Punjab ..

Boss : which part ?

Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are
you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He

gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass..

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the

computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement
day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any

one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I'm falling in love.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my
hand,
oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head.
Is
he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

irritated... . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India

Radio!

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Fact...Isn't itttt?

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.




So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China .



On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".









The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.





The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.




The American thanked the priest and went along his way.




Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.










He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.





She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God.





"O.K., thank you," said the American.











He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France .





In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000
Per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to
See if Indians had the same phone...










He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read
"One Rupee per call."




The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.




Why is it so cheap here?"



Readers, it is your turn......... Think .....before you scroll down...









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The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call".
This is the only heaven on the Earth.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Excellence!!

Thought for the day

A gentleman once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby.

Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked." There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work.

"Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I know it and God knows it!"

"The desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone appreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excel at a task today - not necessarily for someone else to notice, but for your own satisfaction!! "

Monday, July 14, 2008

Killing English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "


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Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"



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once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."



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"...DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."



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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....



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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)



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teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!



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"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"



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My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"






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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board



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"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"



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LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"



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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us....

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"



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Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father



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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"



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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??




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Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

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